"It's days like these, that make me feel like I want to bleed through my heart again"

So now that X-mas is over my life settles back into its droning on. What money I did get for Christmas is not in fact going to the From First to Last hoodie that I've been eyeing oh so much, but instead to take a friend to the movies to pay her back for my christmas present. Which I don't mind, except that it's because we can't afford stuff like this that I have to use money for me to buy stuff for my friends. Oh well. I still have to come up with money for my best friend's birthday present. So I'll probably starve myself and not each lunch at school. Just eat when I come home.

The hoodie shall have to stay up on the wall at hot topic, though I am considering a cheaper one over the internet from their website. Either way it will stay till my birthday in August, or maybe if I convince my mom to give me some money around income tax time, but I doubt it. Most of it is going towards my truck as it is.

But I'm being selfish. I know it. It's just hard. But I shall live.

My sister is driving me nuts. I'm considering locking her out of the house. Not really, but I can dream right?

Going to Hot Topic the day after Christmas was hell. People. Everywhere. Course it gave me time to ogle the hoodie and numerous other shirts from bands that I want. Selfish again. But it's all truthfully dreaming. I doubt I'll get anything for quite a while.

I'm considering getting a job. With the slight complications of transportation, but I can figure that out later. Although I'd feel obligated to help my mom with our money crisises. Basically working and seeing no product for myself. But I'd be unselfish.

My goal in life. I'm failing miserably. I have so many guilty thoughts. Even if they don't leave my brain.

Not like anything truly does.