"And I'll keep making more just to prove that I adore every inch of sanity"

Ryo has requested that I share any cyberspace that I own. I'm terrified. I do not know how he will react to my polite no. If I were to tell him I would have to tell Ari and soon everyone would know and read all this.

Everything. Ryo has his own blog and personally I don't know how he posts knowing that others will read it.
I know the first thing he will say. MySpace? Yes, this is a cheap place to post a blog, and while I have considered moving it, I haven't. I don't know why. Yet somewhat I do. I know that here no one reads it, and that it can stay secret. Someone like Ryo might stumble across it somewhere else.

Back to my other dry pieces in my life.

I saw Narnia. Joy. It was actually better than I expected, not that my expectations were high.

I have found a new love for poker. Considering I kicked my brother's butt.

I said ass in front of my mom. I have never cussed in front of her before. She doesn't know I'm capable. If she does she says nothing. I slipped up, I admit it. We were joking around like friends and I slipped. She kept saying it, so I fell in step. I don't know if she noticed or not. But she didn't say anything. She almost called me a bitch the other day, because I stole the covers from the couch. She says it's because she was also joking with me like a friend, though they were two completely unrelated incidents.

I don't know what to make of this development.

I do know that my Dad calling Christmas Eve scared the hell out of me. Especially when Heather tried to give me the phone. I refused. I don't wish to patch things up. I don't wish to have a pot-smoking, doesn't care, father. My mom and I both agreed: He only called because someone else in the family said something.

Which is a sad thought within itself. But I tell myself I don't care anymore because I don't like getting hurt. And if I care I will be. Because that's who my father is. He has tried to change and failed. And now he wishes to change no longer. He must be the one to accept the inevitable.

He will never get his daughter back.

And I am much happier this way. There is a lot less stress. I had begun to realize while my father was still living with us, that I was already beginning to hate who he was, and the things he said and did. He just proved me right.
And broke my heart in the process.

"And after seeing what we saw, can we still reclaim our innocence" - My Chemical Romance Skylines and Turnstiles