"So deep that I didn't even scream. I'll be just fine, pretending I'm not"

Well, this is fun. I was just made to watch another "chick flick" by my mom. Granted, I do like some, and I must say that some romance movies are awesome. Still, it depresses me when they are about teenagers.

The odd one out. The one who isn't popular. The klutz. Yet they still get swept off their feet and fall in love. Which is entirely unrealistic. Especially the falling in love part. If you notice, any sequels have the same character fall in "love" again with a different person. The last boyfriend/girlfriend is explained away and never heard from again.

I'm insanely jealous.

Honestly though, how many people think that they will find true love in high school, or for that matter, ever? It is an idea that has been put up high on a pedestal. That is everyone's purpose in life, to find love and reproduce.

So what happens if you don't?

Though I must say, if I'm in my mid-thirties and without a kid, I shall go get knocked up. Can't be that hard.

Yes, more sad pitiful, pathetic posts. Once again, I shall blame it on teenage hormones. Everyone else does. I'm apparently not capable of having a thought completely on my own. They're all driven. My mom is now sick. Ahhh...sweet revenge. My family is always horrible to me when I'm sick. At least Charlie wasn't there. He spends the time trying to make me cry. Which usually more results in screaming and yelling. I want to tell him that hello, I'm not my little sister, I bite back.

Although I find biting to be disgusting. Though I suppose if it was more sexual it'd be okay. But I used to get in fights when I was younger and they would bite me. Who bites? Totally weird...

Hey, I used the word sexual. Strange. Not me. Must be the hormones.

Which in itself contains another problem.

I plan to stay a virgin. At least till I'm out of high school. Preferably till after or near the end of college. Which automatically cuts the male population available in half. Because I am stubborn and refuse to conform.

Not that I need a guy right now. Like I said, who really expects to fall in love in high school and keep it? Still, it's interesting. I would like to at least get used to having a boyfriend, so it wouldn't be so weird when I become older. Practice.

Not that I haven't had guys ask me. I just haven't been interested in any of them. Well, I didn't actually even know half of them.

Grr.........this is strange for me. I sound like such a.....girl. Worrying over boys. See! Chick flicks are evil!

I must end this post on something less frivolous.

Tomorrow is school. Oh, dread. Sulk and brood. I think it shall be the death of me. Not by suicide, but by slowly being crushed. Or run over by another overly tall but overly eager freshman. I feel short. Yet I know that there are plenty shorter than I. It is just disconcerting to see everyone towering over you in the more crowded hallways.

There. That was more depressingly serious. More me. I have come back from the realm of the normal teenager.

Hopefully no one will ever take me seriously. I joke too much. I should pull out my Halloween makeup stash and make it look as if I do cut. That would be funny.

I was asked if I've ever thought about suicide. I said yes. Who really hasn't? I imagine we all have, even the perfect pretty princesses who have everything go right for them. I've thought about cutting my wrists till I bled to death. Stepping in front of a car. Jumping off the edge of a cliff into the water. But then I'm pulled back. I have things to accomplish. I do not wish to be a waste. If I were to kill myself I would want my death to mean something. My life is not horrible enough for me to want to end it. I believe that if I were to kill myself I would not go to heaven. All these things remind me. And then I smile and step back. Back from the knife, the car, the edge. My life is fine the way it is. It could be happier, but that doesn't mean I'm not happy.

Because I am.

Happy.