"I came down here to tell you it rains in heaven all day long, I wanna find you so bad and let you know I'm miserable up here without you"

Detached. Estranged. Out of it.

I can't get my thoughts together. It's like I'm just floating. I have no sense of time. I do not even know where Saturday and Sunday went.

Hell, I was shocked it was Monday.

But this all seems so trivial.

My thoughts while going to the library were weird. I noticed people. Two girls and a boy laughing. A man pacing while on his cell phone outside a diner. I wondered what was happening, what they were thinking as I was sitting, passing by them in a car.

I noticed houses too. I pondered. What were people doing inside them. Were they sitting watching TV? Having a family moment? I doubt that one...so few of us care about family anymore. Yet I feel like I'm drifting from mine. In small ways.

I yell at my sister more often. It scares me.

I am going to Quiz Bowl nationals. This excites me. I never get to go on trips. I had to beg to go to King's Island in the seventh and eighth grade. The Washingtion trip for our school was cancelled.

Yet I am dreading it also. I'll be spending a week with these people that I don't fit in with. Don't know how to talk to.

And with Brady. If he can be counted as a person. I wonder how long it will be until I smother him in his sleep?

That would be an interesting phone call to my mother.

My mother made me feel awkward the other day. I noticed the guy behind us in line at Wal-Mart staring at me. He was wearing a brown trenchcoat and was waaaaayy too old to be looking at me that way. I didn't say anything though.

We were walking out and my mom commented.

"Did you see that guy staring at you? He's too old to be staring at you. The guy in the red shirt."

I did not mention the guy behind us in line.

My mom says I should stop looking like a nineteen year old. I say guys should get a life. There were plenty of other girls, prettier than me, that the pedophiles could have stared at.

It was just weird having my mom comment. She started making fake gushy comments.

I hid her cigarettes.