"It's taken all this time for me to realize what you mean to me."
So, I've gone through three days of summer school. Not much to say. I've been finding myself extremely tired. Even today. I went to bed at a respectable time, eleven o'clock. For once in a long time, I fell asleep almost immediately. I slept until noon today.
My mother has gone on a scholarship "binge." It's starting to scare me. She wants me to do all these essays to win money. It's not the essays that scare me, more what they represent.
I'm a junior. I have two years to build up scholarships. I have two years to do twenty hours of community service. I have two years to screw up my life.
In two years, most of my friends will leave. Off to colleges far away. I might leave. Though I seriously doubt it. I couldn't afford to.
Time is passing too quickly. I'm halfway through highschool. I haven't done anything I've wanted to. I haven't joined the groups I've wanted to. I haven't learned enough. I haven't had a boyfriend in highschool. I haven't been on a date. I have yet to tell any guy that I like him. I've yet to grow a spine for myself, even though there is one always present when it comes to my friends.
I can always stand up for them, but never myself. I can give them good advice, but I can never take it myself. I'm too insecure. Something I've always wished to cure. I hate that I don't like myself.
And in some weird way, scholarships remind me of this. They remind me that I only have a little time left. This depresses me. It could be why I'm so tired. Sleep is a means of escape. Dreams place you out of reality. Even if mine have been rather confusing as of lately.
Life has suddenly made itself very complicated. In such a way that I don't know how to deal with it. I'll let time carry the problem. I just hope it turns out all right before time runs out.
I said before that time is relative. On Monday I will be back in class, thinking how long the four hours will be. When I leave I will think of how short years can be, and how little we accomplish.
Everything we put off. I should know, I'm currently putting off cleaning my room. But eventually we have to do it. There are deadlines.
You have to act before the deadline comes or regrets usually follow.
My mother has gone on a scholarship "binge." It's starting to scare me. She wants me to do all these essays to win money. It's not the essays that scare me, more what they represent.
I'm a junior. I have two years to build up scholarships. I have two years to do twenty hours of community service. I have two years to screw up my life.
In two years, most of my friends will leave. Off to colleges far away. I might leave. Though I seriously doubt it. I couldn't afford to.
Time is passing too quickly. I'm halfway through highschool. I haven't done anything I've wanted to. I haven't joined the groups I've wanted to. I haven't learned enough. I haven't had a boyfriend in highschool. I haven't been on a date. I have yet to tell any guy that I like him. I've yet to grow a spine for myself, even though there is one always present when it comes to my friends.
I can always stand up for them, but never myself. I can give them good advice, but I can never take it myself. I'm too insecure. Something I've always wished to cure. I hate that I don't like myself.
And in some weird way, scholarships remind me of this. They remind me that I only have a little time left. This depresses me. It could be why I'm so tired. Sleep is a means of escape. Dreams place you out of reality. Even if mine have been rather confusing as of lately.
Life has suddenly made itself very complicated. In such a way that I don't know how to deal with it. I'll let time carry the problem. I just hope it turns out all right before time runs out.
I said before that time is relative. On Monday I will be back in class, thinking how long the four hours will be. When I leave I will think of how short years can be, and how little we accomplish.
Everything we put off. I should know, I'm currently putting off cleaning my room. But eventually we have to do it. There are deadlines.
You have to act before the deadline comes or regrets usually follow.
posted by Tiffany at 3:53 PM
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