"Out of body and out of mind, Kiss the demons out of my dreams"

Ok, my hands are little shaky, so disregard typos.

My wisdom teeth were pulled out yesterday. Fun experience. Not really.

See, I didn't even get to sleep in. I had to wake up earlier.

We drive to the dentist's, I'm asleep. Like half-awake. With this really crazy chick getting me set up.

She sticks the napkiny things around my neck and starts messing around behind me.

Lovely nose that I have here. It hates doctor's offices. I guess dentist's count too, cause I sneezed.

"Is that your sneeze? It's so little." And then the dorkiest laught comes out of her mouth.

Did I mention she was blonde? I really wanted to ask her if that was her laugh cause it was really idiotic...but I kept my mouth shut. But now she felt the need to talk. Once again. Blonde. Despite the complete silence from my end on most questions...she continues to talk. At seven in the morning...I am not very receptive.

"What school do you go to?"
"Harrison."
"Reallllyy???? I graduated from there, but I won't tell you what year."
"......" (Lady, I really, truly care.)
"I mean I'm not that old but.....so are things still crazy there?"
"......."
"Are there still cops everywhere."
"No."
"Well, they did tell us that we were the worst class they ever had." And she laughs again. I think I visibly cringed. My dentist nurse person is a juvenile delinquent......great.

Luckily, the dentist walks in and saves me. Though I'm not so trustworthy of him either. Exhibit A: the certificate on the wall is to a Michael Lawyer and it is from IU. Hah. I'm gonna die.

"How's your day going?"
"Nnn." (How the fuck do you think it's going?)
I think he got the hint, because he started working on the computer or something.

So now the nurse is setting up the IV. She's trying to pull a little bit out into a syringe. Luckily, the doctor saves me and I begin to trust him. Cause all this lady is getting is air. And the IV tube is not tightly on the bag. He fixes this. I am cheering. For a little while.

He proceeds to tie something around my right arm.
"Is that snug?"
"Like cutting off my circulation snug?"
"Yeah."
"Then no."

Oh wait, pause. I forgot to tell you. After the nurse set up all the things that monitor my blood pressure and heart beat...I had some fun screwing with her mind. I find out taking deep breaths speeds up one of the beeps. So when it jumps from 60 to 115, she looks at it, then at me. Me with my cute angelic smile. The monitor is back down to a constant 60. Repeat a few times, and she gets kind of angry with you. But doesn't say anything.

Anyways, back to where I was.
The dentist ties the thing back around my arm, except it falls off. I inform him, and he reties, this time tight.

And now he can't find my vein. Lovely.

"Pump your fist a few times...Good, I can see it now."

Obviously not, because the guy missed the first three stabs, then got it after a little manuvering in my arm.

After that everything got sort of fuzzy. I only remember one part.

"Did you know that there isn't a needle in your arm anymore?" I shook my head no. I never felt it come out.
"It's really a little tube now, some people don't know how IV's are really set up."
"Oh, I knew that. I thought you meant if I felt it." (Do you take me for a dumbass?)
Then things went really fuzzy. I remember people unhooking the stuff from me.

"Look at her shirt." I hear a few laughs. I wore me 'I hate everyone. Please make a note of it.' shirt today. Came prepared.

Then I remembered a voice.
"Why are you crying, sweetheart?"
I'm crying? Guess I am. I manage to force out three letters.
"P-M-S."

Yeah, see my life is great. I get to start crying at every little bit of stress on the day they cut four of my fucking teeth out.

They stick me in a wheel chair and my mom helps me into the car. She starts tearing up, cause I'm crying. She feels really guilty.

I don't remember the ride home. I remember my mom placing my coat on top of me and then pulling me out of the car later. I remember having to lean on her for balance until I made it to bed. Which I literally fell on. Then I was out.

An hour later....I am awake once more. And my mouth hurts like a bitch.

"Mom....Mom."
"What? I just got to sleep."
"Pills."

She gives me pills, new gauze pads for the bleeding and I am back to bed.

An hour later.
"Mom....mom."
"What? Today is supposed to be my day to sleep!"
"Food."

She feeds me, and complains some more. Then calls her mom to share her woes. Till I point out one thing.
"If it weren't for me, you would be at work."

I go back to sleep....
an hour later.

"Pills."
"You took some three hours ago."
"Pain."
"Okay, I'll get the Vicodin."
She gives me the pills.
"Come here honey, lay down. I'll hug you."
"I hate you."

So after a little more sleeping, I try to eat some pudding. Only to throw up the ramen noodles. Then later the pudding. Then the oatmeal.

Apparently, my soup diet has become a bulemic diet. I currently have three total bites of pudding and a little Coolwhip in my stomach. I can take a bite or two of food every hour.

I hate throwing up. What I hate more is the fever that goes along with this stupid thing.

Sometimes I'm sweating, but my body is really cool. Other times my body is hot, but I'm shivering.

And the Vicodin leaves a little bit of pain and no happy la la feeling. However, I learned last night that waiting longer than six hours to take a pill makes the entire right side of your jaw seize up in pain. Which makes it really hard to swallow the damn pill.

Going back to bed. Night night.

"Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a kiss goodnight and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine."

"We are the voices of an underground choir. Save your breath you won't be heard."

Sorry for the extreme lack of posting.

I shall blame it all on Ryo. He takes up all my free time.

Doo da doo. So what's new in my life do you ask?

Well, we just got a bunch of fish and two died in the past two days.

Wal-Mart fish have such quality.

Hopefully the others will survive, because two of them aren't goldfish, and one is rather huge. I like fish. They're fun to watch.

Today is November 6th or 7th. I don't really know right now. It all depends if my mom actually flipped the little flipper calendar we have on the desk.

Anyways, that means that Sunshine is less than a week away. And I must say that I am very disappointed. Two of my friends aren't going. If I have to be dragged, or at least had, then they should have to come too. It's the rule. When I suffer, everyone does. I'm selfish like that.

Physics has been interesting. I really like Mr.Smiley as a teacher, especially today. After reading a bunch of life challenge journals, he told us what he thought of us. Mind you, this is the Honors kids. And I think he hit it dead on. He said that we base a lot of our life and how we live it on a ranking of intelligence that we give ourselves. Which is completely true. I see it all the time. I do it too. And it really is a bad thing to do. We shouldn't rank our lives on how smart we are. Intelligence and academics are not actually that important for happiness or living.

My friend Heather has dropped from a Camaro to a Buick. Specifically my mom's Buick. Quite funny. Even more funny, because I have to tell her how to drive it. Payback is so sweet.

Ack! I have Chemistry...and Physics and English to procrastinate. Cause you know what I did with my half-day? I watched Heather get her nails done, fed the pregnant lady, and then sat down with a favorite book and read. I was the only one in the house. It was great.

Oh, I may not have mentioned. Heather's pregnant. And I get to be a godmother! Yippee! I am slightly disappointed in her, but oh well. Babies are so cute.

Have any of you seen Ryo stick his foot in his mouth? I swear, he does it all the time, and it's quite hilarious. Even more so if you tease him about it and he gets flustered.

Oh...while I'm on embarrassing people.....got a few fantasies, Josh?

"Circling your head contemplating everything"

Umm...duh dum da dum....

Hi.

I can't think really well right now. I think I am catching a small cold. Or my allergies are bothering me once more. Or it could be the lack of sleep.

Arrg...think.

Ok. I got a 74 on my Physics test. Pretty bad, at least for what I consider to be bad. Physics is just like this subject I can't grasp.

Embarrassing yourself in front of your entire AP Chemistry class is lovely. See, in order to remember whether or not oxidation is lose or gain electrons, and the same for reduction, there is an acronym.

One that I never got during Honors Chemistry last year. Mostly because I was absent the day that the class learned and I thought all the students saying "Leo goes grr," were nuts.

I got the Leo part, lose electrons oxidation, but I could not see how grr fit with reduction, where you gain electrons. So low and behold, when the teacher rights that exact acronym up on the board she spells grr as "ger." Finally, everything clicks. I proceed to tell the class about my startling discovery. They laugh, I blush, the world is normal.

I have a new appreciation for fires as something more than just to stare at in wonder.

Okey dokey. I think I'm gonna go to bed now. So I can finish my mound of homework tomorrow.

"And I don't want the world to see me, cause I don't think that they'd understand."

This post is dedicated to the song "Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls, because it preserved my sanity.

I will never, I repeat, never not charge my mp3 player again. It's too horrible to even contemplate.

I took a very short vow of silence during AP Chemistry and Physics. That was actually really fun. Especially when I answered the Physics question that no one was getting. Even better, Smiley understood my sign language. Then I tried to sign that it was a negative displacement, but nobody saw me. Oh well.

It was still fun. Teehee.

My Greeley Estates hoodie arrived today! Yay! Jump for joy! Unfortunately, once again, I have the wrong size. When I bought my Greeley Estates t-shirt, I got a small. Which is a bit tight. So this time I got a medium, which was way huge. Grr....the world is against me.

Still, it's all warm and fuzzy. Which makes me all warm and fuzzy.

Fuzzy Wuzzy was a bear. Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair. Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, was he?

"I'm falling even more in love with you."

Ok, so I haven't posted in a really long time. We'll ignore that.

My father, whom I was supposed to see this weekend, was postponed until next weekend. Excuse me while I jump for joy. Although, technically it wasn't postponed, my mother just had the wrong date. Yay!

In other news, the Harrison football team actually won a game. No one was expecting that. Go us.

Life has been....frustrating as of lately. It's as if everything is hanging by a thread right in front of my nose, but I am incapable of grasping it. It escapes me, teasing me all the way.

I have also been rather forgetful as of lately. Probably why most of my grades are teetering between 89 and 90. That's bad. Quite bad.

Especially with mid-terms.

I'm going to be a pirate for Halloween. Fun, fun, fun!

I have discovered that however bad it is shopping with my mom, it is even worse shopping with my mum and my best friend. Those teamed together...I should have known better.

Although part of it was Heather herself. I can never tell when she's joking or not on some things, and some of the things that she said bothered me. But it all worked out fine, so I will forget this small bump.

I really need to remember to get this one CD off of her....that's where I remembered the song from way back that I plan on sticking on here after I'm finished posting.

Anticipation. Not fun. Although I also have this dark, gloomy cloud hanging over me with the impending thought of spending time with my father.

My mom keeps saying that she expects more out of me. Damn me for being so mature. Because right now all I really want to do is act like the angry, pissed off teenager that I am. Or at least the one that he makes me.

I have a bit of a hard time concentrating in Pre-Calculus. The new teacher slightly resembles the idiotic biological sperm donor.

Anyways. Happy thoughts. I'm going to a party....

I have half an AP Chem test left....

I have no homework done....

I have a World Geography test....

Not doing too good.

I get to see my friends and Ryo on Monday. I have all day tomorrow to do homework. I didn't have to go to the dentist on Friday because of the two hour delay.

Better.

Dum da dum da dummm.

I have found my kitten's spot! You (whoever you may be) may not realize the importance of this. See, a cat's spot is the place where you can itch or scratch and the cat will purr and be in a complete state of bliss. Until this morning, when the offending being woke me up, I did not know where Rose's was. It's on the top of her head. Actually, that's quite strange. I've never had a cat who liked specifically being scratched their. Shadow like to be scratched under the chin and Angel prefers her stomach.

Jenny is a dog and therefore, does not care as long as she is being scratched.

Now I'm going to go, because I haven't been on the internet longer than an hour in about two weeks. Off to play. Buh-bye.

"And falling down is just a part of getting up again"

Recipe for the second week of school:
-tons of homework
-various Bowls...
-one mental breakdown
-one devastating(but expected) football loss
-one great night

My week has been so frazzled, yet content. It's hard not to be content. And I think this school year might actually be different. I say hi to more than one or two people in the hallway now. I went to a football game and showed school spirit.

I finally finished the book that I haven't been allowed to read after three days...

May I say that it is terribly frustrating when you are bugged by various family members so much that you can't read one book over the course of three days?

I also found myself entirely frustrated with one person. And in the course of one football game, I realized that I could not complete the life challenge our Physics teacher issued this week. Smiley told us to be real in our conversations and tell the truth. And while I did tell the truth during the conversation, I was holding back many things that I wanted to say.

But I'm over that now. It's Saturday night, and that particular night was too happy to let the mood be dragged down.

This song I'm sticking up is entirely way too catchy....it's been stuck in my head since I first heard it. And it is really hard to get out. Bad thing is, I still love the song. It's hard to force it from your mind when your enjoying the imaginary music.

"If I could write down what is written on my heart."

I am the luckiest girl in the world.

In the span of one day, that fact has been assured, over and over again. And I can't get this stupid grin off my face. I feel like if I smile anymore my face is going to bust open.

I got a birthday present from Ryo. Or I should say several. A lovely thing of soap and air freshener and earphones. But the real present was the box. The box covered in so many things that make me smile. The box that's going to be treasured for the rest of my life.

The box is covered in small pictures, papers, words. I spent forever going over every inch of it with my fingers. Every small thing standing for a part of me. Of us. The thought that went into it. The time that went into it. I can't believe it.

The creativity. The wittiness. The thoughtfulness. I love my boyfriend.

Even if he did make a few dangerous implications on the volume of my music. Although the earphones are wonderful, and will be put to good use.

But the box is something I'm going to treasure forever. Plus, it was full of bubble wrap!

And I'm not a complete wuss. Yay! Go me. I initiated hand-holding apparently. Always fun. If somewhat distracting.

And I officially have my permit.

I'm going to go lay on my bed now and stare at the ceiling. Probably with an incredibly stupid grin on my face. This stupid grin seems to be a reoccuring problem lately. But I don't have any problem with it....I love Ryo.

Today has got to be the best day ever. I guess sixteen really is sweet.

"It’s really good to hear your voice saying my name, it sounds so sweet."

School has started. It's interesting, the whole no flimsy classes deal.

AP Chemistry....holds so many memories dear to me. Plus I love chemistry, so this has the possibility of being one of my favorite classes.

Honors Pre-Calc....so far I couldn't say much, because we've been doing review from Algebra 1. But the teacher likes point slope, so I finally have a teacher who agrees with me.

World Geography....yet to be decided. We haven't really done much.

Spanish 3. Not good, nor bad. Just a class where I work through everything silently.

Honors English....could there be any more books required for this freakin' class?

Honors Physics...I like the way Smiley teaches. I have the distinct feeling this class is going to be fun.

Then again, I'm biased when it comes to science. Any science is good with me really.

School has been a little detached for me though. I don't get to talk to people much. A little depressing. I get homework every night. Even more depressing.

Yet it's still a happy time for me...oh wait. I know why. I'm eating a Snickers(courtesy of Ari), therefore everything is happy. But still, seeing my favorite people all day long makes me happy. I wish I had more classes with Ari and other people though....

So, onto the big news. My birthday is tomorrow. Yay! I get my permit! Bigger yay! Ryo is possibly dropping by. More yays!

I have a Snickers!

Oh, I hate people who sing the birthday song to people who do not wish to be sung to. You all should die. Or at least suffer.

"And I am lost here in your eyes"

So, by now I imagine anyone who reads Ryo's blog has read his post about me.

Which actually leaves me in a very delicate situation. I'm rather stuck in this hole. I can publicly profess my love, blow it off and say the feelings mutual, or ignore it altogether. None of which appeal to me.

Except the first one. Except there is one major problem with that. Amazingingly, considering which of us talks more, I think Ryo has the greater gift of gab. Because after reading his post I'm just stuck in my room with a stupid grin on my face, which happens to be blushing, and struck speechless. So I waited a day.

And I reread it. Same reaction. Bugger.

I can't.......express it all. Mostly because everything is so new to me. I can go look up words in the dictionary for it, but none of them will be me expressing it. They'll just be words. Not feelings. A problem I've always had.

I love him. That's the only way I can think to explain it. Cause no other explanation can make sense. Any other explanation couldn't work because it wouldn't be true. It's love, pure and simple.

In other news, I have discovered not all plumbers are fat, ugly men with large ass cracks. Something I am very grateful for.

Although the lack of water for two hours really sucks......

Yes, the new video I'm posting is a Nickelback one. Yes, within two weeks it will be insanely overplayed. So I'm going to stick it in before the song bugs the hell out of me. Because I do really love this song.